Barbie World (Baby Doll Series) Page 11

  “Psssh, whatever. I just thought you might get cold is all, but I guess you are used to it by now,” she teases me. She is giving me a glimpse of the old Barbie.

  “What does that mean?” I ask.

  “It is just that you have been walking around here like there is a shirt shortage going on.” Her lips are now spread into a big smile and I can’t help the smile that I return to her.

  “Well, I was blessed with such beautiful abs, it would be wrong for me not to share this gift of beauty with the world.” I rub my hand across my stomach then dig into my own ice cream sundae. The witty banter keeps up between us as we eat. I try to eat slowly to prolong this moment, but the stupid sundae melts. After we have a race chugging the chocolate milk, which I win, I get dressed. If she is trying to be “friends” and willing to spend the day with me, I am going to take advantage of every second I have with her while trying to ensure she doesn’t come to her senses and runs. I have a day planed that she will not be able to escape from.

  She sits on the edge of the chair, waiting for me to get dressed. She twirls a strip of pink hair in between her fingers and her right knee bounces up and down. She is nervous. “Ready?’ I break the deep thought she is in. She jumps like a kid who was just caught doing something naughty.

  “What do you have planned?” She hesitates.

  “It is a surprise.” I open the door and lead her out to our new beginning; however she hesitates again for a moment.

  Things seem to go back to almost normal between us after she finally relents and goes with me. She relaxes, sitting next to me in the cab of my truck, her hair blowing around her as she hums to the radio. “I like your hair.” I reach over and finger a piece that blows across her shoulder. It is so soft in my fingers.

  “Yeah?” She smoothes her hair back and out of my grasp. “I don’t know how much your mom appreciates it. I just…” She trails off and looks back out her window. Shit, I am losing her again; she was just about to open up to me, to stop hiding from me.

  “What?” I encourage her turning down the radio.

  “Nothing.” Her body goes rigid and I can feel the change in her mood. It travels through me, making me ache inside.

  “No, don’t do that. Don’t hide from me. Friends, right? And friends share.”

  She sighs. “I just couldn’t be something I am not. I tried it. I thought if I could just be what everyone else wanted, then I could keep Everett safe. That I could be happy and safe. I just couldn’t do it, you know?” I nod. I feel like she needs to say this and not hear my two cents. We ride in silence the rest of the way, no music, just the sound of the wind and the feel of her next to me. It is the best song I have ever experienced.

  I park the truck close to the water and hop out, sliding on some dirt, trying to get to her side of the truck so I can open her door. She squints against the glare of the sun. “A lake? You brought me to a lake?”

  “Not just any lake, my grandpa’s lake. You and I are going fishing.” I produce two fishing poles out of the back of my truck and a tackle box.

  “You don’t take ladies fishing.” She crosses her arms and I see that flirtatious smile of hers, playing on her lips.

  “I know that. That is why I am taking you.” I give her my best smiles as I march pass her. She punches me in the shoulder as she catches up with me.

  “That’s for saying I am not a lady.” She punches me again. “And that is just because.” She smiles.

  “You could have fooled me, you sure don’t hit like a lady.” I rub at my shoulder. “Now come on, the fish ain’t going to wait for you to try to get all pretty now.” She re-braids her hair as we walk towards the small, green canoe that bobs in the dark blue water before making a noise from the back of her throat, but she doesn’t hit me again.

  “Well, don’t expect me to touch any worms.” She huffs as she climbs in the boat. I push off the shore and hop in on the other side of the boat. Picking up the ores, I begin to row us out to the middle.

  She leans back and pulls her shirt up, exposing her midriff. I try not to stare at the soft skin or how she has one of those belly buttons that looks like a button. Not all the way in, but not all the way out, perfect like everything about her.

  “I wish I wore my bathing suit, it is so hot.” She says squinting up at the sun.

  “That has never stopped you before,” I say, remembering when she stripped down to almost nothing and jumped off that cliff.

  “Well, that was before.” She sits up, pulling her shirt down.

  “I think that is one of my favorite memories of you,” I confess. Her hands become suddenly very interesting to her.

  “I knew it then, that I really liked you, when you jumped with me,” she says.

  “Really?” I am shocked by her confession.

  “Yeah, for like a split second then I came to my senses.” She looks up at me with a teasing smile.

  Barbie baits her own hook, which is pretty impressive. This was mine and Grams special place and I have never taken anyone here before, not even Third. “Me and my Gram’s would come out here when she was alive. She was the one who taught me to fish.”

  “That must have been wonderful to have someone to teach you to fish.” She frowns. Sometimes I forget what type of life she lived before coming to stay with us. My grandmother was such an important person in my life, I always knew I could go to her with any problems I had. I could talk to her about friends, girls, anything really. I wonder what advice she would have about Barbie. I am sure she would tell me to fight for her. “Don’t do that,” she says.

  “What?” I lift the oars watching the water drip off into the water.

  “Look like someone ran over your puppy. I didn’t make that comment about your grandmother so you would feel sorry for me, so don’t.” She reels her line in and tosses it back out into the lake.

  “It is just hard for me to imagine my mother not caring what happened to me or not having a grandmother to turn to.”I say. She looks at me for a moment and I cannot tell what she is thinking. Maybe I should have kept my thoughts to myself.

  Finally, she sets down the pole and leans back. “I never knew any different, it was always just me and then, eventually, Everett came along. I knew that my family was different on the first day of kindergarten. The other mothers where crying and taking pictures of their kids and I was all alone. No one took my picture. No one ever cried for me.” I hate that she had to go through that. I wish I could have sheltered her from the pain. “I don’t know why I am even telling you this.”

  “Because we are friends, that’s why.” I reach over, putting my hand on her knee. My hands tingle from our skin touching. Can she feel that, too?

  Chapter 14.

  Barbie

  I stare at his hand on my knee as a slow tingling sensation runs up and down my leg. I push his hand away; it is a rash move after he is trying to be my friend. It is a small rejection on my part and I know it hurts him. I offer him no explanation for my action. pretending that we could be friends. It is almost comical that we continue to do this song and dance.”Why do you want to be my friend?” I blurt out. He looks startled at the sudden mood change in me.

  “I want to be a part of your life and if that is the only way I can be a part of it, then friends it is.” He says honestly. Friends, something that I never needed or wanted before.

  “Can you honestly handle what that entails?” I ask. He doesn’t hesitate before answering “yes” and I know he is lying. “So when you see me with Kai, no freaking out? No pulling me aside, trying to kiss me?” I challenge. Now he hesitates. Silence fills the gap between us and we stare into each other’s eyes, in a standoff. We both know the others truth and it becomes a game of who will break first. The thought of only being friends with Dylan is almost crippling. Can I do it, only be his friend? He says “friend” like it is so easy, that he can just give up what we had. Maybe he can do that, but I don’t think I can do it. It sucks seeing him with Katie. I pretend that I don�
��t care when I am around him, but I do. He is the one to break the stare, and I feel the abandonment from him. My throat burns and tears threaten to form. What do I want him to do? To just keep on chasing me? I know what that feels like to chase someone who is not willing to give you what you want. A knot forms in my stomach with the thought. I am my mother. Every time he try’s I put up another obstacle for him. Every time he clears one, I have another, harder one waiting. Just like she had for me. Fish.” He says cutting through my internal self destructive babel. He points to the pole and sure enough the line is being drug under the boat. “What do I do?” I gasp in shock. “Reel it in.” I reel in the line and on the end hangs a tiny, flapping fish, gasping for air. I stare at it, not moving. Suddenly, fear grips me, not from the fish that night comes crashing back. I am laying face down in a puddle of my own blood; I am desperate to get away. A sharp pain travels down my side as all the air leaves me, I gasp, trying to suck in the last little bit of life’s air. My vision begins to fade. The last thing I can hear is a sick laugh.

  I make no move to get the fish, I am frozen. Dylan senses the change in me, and takes the poor helpless creature off the hook and tosses it back into the lake. “Take me home,” I whisper. “This was a bad idea.” I don’t know what I was thinking when I came out here with him.

  Dylan rows us back to shore and we drive home in silence. I look over at Dylan; his face is etched with concern for me. He is beautiful, sweet and good; everything I am not. I watch his hair fall into his hurt filled eyes. This is exhausting, I cannot keep hurting the people I love. I need to just let him go and move on and stop toying with him. Let him be happy. I can’t, though. I am too scared to let him go.

  ###

  Emmy spins Everett in a circle. She is in one of her many tutus; this one has a rainbow skirt with glitter on the hem. “That kid is so cute she makes me want to puke,” Roxie jokes.

  “Who says you’re bad with kids?” I tease her.

  “I know, right? I can’t believe I didn’t get that job at the city summer camp. I am a natural, watch this.” She walks over to Emmy and Everett and says something to them. Emmy’s face lights up and both Emmy and Everett take off running. “See natural.” She comes back triumphantly.

  “What did you say to them?” Third asks.

  “I told them to go to the mini mart down the road and get themselves some candy.”

  “What? Why?” I jump up, ready to go after them.

  “Don’t worry I told them to grab us something, too.” She waves me off.

  “Don’t worry, I got them,” Third says and follows Emmy and Everett. I plop back down on the bench and shake my head at Roxie, who takes my distress as something else entirely.

  “Spill, and let me clarify, as in, give me the reason why you suddenly have gone all emo on me, and trust me when I say, I know emo. Does this have anything to do with that kid, Kai; you’ve been ditching me for?” Roxie stares me down.

  “No. Yes. I don’t know,” I groan. “Kai is great, wonderful, but…”

  “But what?”

  “But he’s not Dylan.”

  I tell Roxie everything, from me sneaking out to making out with Dylan in the club when both Kai and Katie were dangerously close to a the lake a few days ago. When I am finished, I look at her, waiting for her to process this load of information I had just dumped on her.

  Finely she speaks, “The only thing I can tell you is that sometimes what our heart wants is not what is best for us. I know you love Dylan, but how can you date him when you are practically his sister now.” She shoves me playfully with her shoulder. “I think that you should give this thing with this Kai kid a chance and forget all about boy wonder.”

  I pull my knees up to my chest and ask what my heart has been crying for since I came to the Knights. “How? How do I forget about him?”

  She thinks on this for a moment before answering. “You avoid him like Miley Cyrus’s new haircut.”

  ###

  It is Saturday morning again and the house is blissfully empty. I have, once again, managed to avoid Dylan for the whole week. It is easy, when he is home; I make sure I am not. I am always with Kai or Roxie, it begins to feel like I am playing a game and the winner gets to live a lie. I do not have to avoid him today, so our game is put on halt. The Knights went out, and Dylan left early to go to work. I pull my wet hair out of the pink towel that is wrapped tightly around my head and finger the wet clumps of hair.

  The slamming of a car door startles me and I walk over to my window. Dylan is home! Crap. I begin to plan my escape, but the sight of him stops them in their tracks. He pulls on a cord attached to an old push mower. He, of course, is wearing no shirt! What the hell is his issue with shirts? The sun is high and bright, it dances off his body, washing his white skin in gold, a golden bath of deliciousness. No, stop that! It is not delicious, it is gross and flabby. Ah, hell, that is not working! It is yummy, like warm chocolate chip cookies yummy! He begins to push the mower across the lawn and my eyes greedily take in the sight. They watch, mesmerized, following a bead of sweat that travels down the center of his taught abs. His lean, chiseled muscles flex in his biceps in his arms as he pushes the mower back and forth. His back and chest are glistening with a sheen of sweat. I feel a sudden rise in the heat index. Or is that me? It feels awfully hot in this room as heat rises up my body.

  I know I should look away, but I can’t pull myself from the view. He turns in the careful pattern he is painting in the grass. I bite at my lip, he looks up and our eyes lock. I am swimming in a sea of brown. Sinking. Floating. I am pulled under by their enchantment, yet, they keep me afloat.

  A car door slams and he looks away from me and I am flailing about, trying not to drown. To stay alive.

  Katie walks up to him. He glances once more at me before quickly looking away to Katie and I drown.

  ###

  It is dusk before the house comes to life with the sounds of the Knight family. Dylan is telling his father a story and Katie is cackling. Emmy is laughing and Mrs. Knight coos to Everett. I don’t go downstairs, feeling like a stranger more and more with each noise. Each utterance is merely driving home the realization of how much I don’t belong. I take out the new cell phone Mrs. Knight bought me from the top drawer and send a text before I climb out the bedroom window.

  The club is dark and filled with more smoke than usual. Rock music pumps through the speakers. A few older people dance on the dance floor. It is a different crowd than when Kai and his band play. I think we might be the youngest ones in here tonight. Kai leads me to the bar, a protective hand on my back.

  “Kai,” the girl behind the counter squeals, leaning over to hug him.

  “Hey, Stace, can we get two beers?” he says to her.

  She looks at me, her face changing from happy Stace to annoyed Stace. “Is she even old enough to drink?” she asks in a snarky tone.

  “Does it matter?” he challenges her. She sighs and huffs off to go and get our drinks and probably spit in mine.

  “I think she likes you,” I tease, bumping him with my hip.

  “She does, but she is not my type.” He looks at me with a hunger in his eyes. I smile back.

  I know he wants more from me. I can give him more. Can’t I? My confusion over Dylan resurfaces. I even let the thin thread dangle with the thought of us back together and what it would be like. Would it be easy to be with him? No. I cannot let thoughts like that cloud my judgment.

  Stacey returns with the beers and Kai tosses a few bills onto the counter before leading me to a black, leather love seat. He sticks his long legs out in front of us and drapes his arm over the back of the seat. It is strange how around Kai, I feel dwarfed by him. Kai is easily a good head taller than Dylan. However, Dylan is broader than Kai’s slender frame. My face goes warm with the memory of Dylan’s shirt clinging to his muscular chest. I shake my head. Why am I comparing Dylan to Kai? Why am I even thinking of Dylan? I need to stop it. Dylan was my past, we are just friends. />
  “What are you thinking about? You look like you are deep in thought.” Kai leans forward and whispers into my ear. He plays with a piece of my hair, curling it around his long fingers and then tilts his body towards mine.

  I take a sip of the beer, the bitter liquid slipping down my throat. I stall, getting just enough time to come up with an answer. “I am happy that I’m here with you, instead of watching you on stage. It’s a nice change,” I say, taking another sip of my beer. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say because his eyes flicker with a hunger.

  “I like being here with you, too.” He tucks a stray hair behind my ear, letting his hand linger on my cheek. I know what is about to happen, I can either let it happen and stop toying with reckless thoughts of Dylan or continue to torture myself. I close my eyes as he leans in. His mouth finds mine and I let him kiss me. A humming sensation starts where his mouth touches mine. He coaches my mouth open and I let him slip his tongue into mine, searching me out. His hands brush against the bare skin of my shoulder while the humming continues, but there is no shock, no electricity. No numbing. I pull away and wipe at my lips with the back of my hand and then I try to give him a smile to let him know that it was okay that he kissed me.

  ###

  I climb up the trellis and onto the garage’s roof. I turn to watch Kai’s taillights disappear all the way down the road before I turn to go inside. I am halfway in the window when I notice him sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He looks small and defeated. I want to turn around and not deal with this. My chest aches at the sight of him. I wish he didn’t care about me like all the other guys I have hooked up with. If he would just let go, maybe then so can I.

  When he hears me, his head snaps in my direction. My heart stops. Deep brown pools of sadness take me in. He sighs through his nose, and runs his hands through his hair.

  “Where have you been?” he questions me. It is just a question, but it has so many more meanings behind it and it hits that sensitive nerve. It confirms that he cares. I have to change his mind, make him hate me. If he is not willing to move on, I will force him to.