Barbie World (Baby Doll Series) Read online

  She holds her shoes in her hand as she walks down the dirt road. Her long, tan legs sticking out of her cut off jean shorts as the red dust snakes up her ankles with each step. I reach out, grabbing her bare arm and I am almost knocked to my ass at the sparks that emit off her skin. I can feel them coursing through my very own veins. We are one. She stops, feeling it, too.

  “I can’t lose you again.” I turn her so she is facing me.

  For a moment, I can see the beauty of the world around us in her eyes. The deep, rich, red earth that lines the pot hole covered road. Green moss covered trees heavy with the summer heat that umbrella the road. The wind creasing the branches and my own skin, it tugs at her hair that is illuminated by the sun that peaks through the blanketed world we are in. She can feel it, too, because she shuts her eyes against it. Slightly tilting her head towards me, I take her face in my hand, caressing her chin with my thumb. She nestles against my touch and I know she needs me to touch her and it’s all I want to do; to touch her, to reassure her.

  I trace the soft petals of her lips with my fingers, she opens her mouth slightly and I let my finger linger on her bottom lip. She barely kisses the tip of my finger and I want to fall to the ground with her here in this magical world we created, to go places we have yet to explore together.

  I step closer to her, placing one of my hands on her hip and the other on her neck, pulling her close to me so I can drink her in. She puts her hands on the back of my neck, playing with the curls that form at the base. She is driving me crazy. I can no longer let this scene play out. I need to have her mouth on mine. I need to taste her again. I want to remember what she tastes like. She wouldn’t let me kiss her last night; a mistake I will not allow to happen again. I lean in and she pulls up closer to me, the heat of our breaths dancing together.

  “HONK. HONK. HONK.” Mrs. Berry’s white Lincoln Town Car pulls up behind us. Barbie jerks away from me, turning towards the car. Slipping out of my grasp, she runs over to the car and says something to Mrs. Berry before looking back at me. “You never had me to lose.”

  She opens the door and gets in the car. I watch them drive off. Mrs. Berry giving me the death stare, shaking her head at me as they pass. She is wrong. I do have everything to lose in this game we are playing because I gave her my heart and it is hers to do with as she likes.

  ###

  I pull into Katie’s circular driveway, but keep the engine running. I should turn around and go find Barbie. Too late, Katie’s mother spots me and gives me a wave. Her mother is following around the gardener, pointing out where to plant the impatiens. She wears a pair of pressed Khaki slacks and a white button up shirt with a black cardigan tied over her shoulders even though the thermometer reads ninety-eight degrees. Just looking at her makes me feel hot and constricted. She looks like an older, harder version of Katie. She would be almost pretty if she would smile, but her face is paralyzed from too much Botox and years of showing no emotion.

  “Dylan.” She walks over to me and places her cold, thin hand on my shoulder and kisses me on the check. Friendly, but still informal. A chill runs through me. I am starting to get used to it. I kiss her cheek back because that is what she expects. It is like kissing cold, hard plastic.

  “Hi, Mrs. Bloom. Is Katie here?” I know the answer. I just spoke to her a few moments ago on the phone and I have her car so where could she go? However, Mrs. Bloom approves of only a proper southern boy.

  “I believe she is upstairs in her room,” she says.

  “Okay, thanks.” I pull from her cold grasp and jog to the front door.

  This is how things are between her mother and father. Mrs. Bloom greets me with a cold kiss and Mr. Bloom with a pat on the back and the same questions that follow every time. What did I think of last night’s game? How is my mother? And how are those poor orphan children that my good natured parents took in? I don’t know. I don’t watch football. My mother is stressed to the max and snapping at me every time my foot passes Barbie’s bedroom door, like I am going to go in there with my raging teenage hormones and do it with her while my mother frets outside the door. Oh, and the girl I love is torturously close to the point that I can smell her sweetly sugared skin, yet she barely looks at me. So I answer with, the game was great, my mother is great, and the poor orphans are great. This answer appeases everyone and I get to continue to pretend to have a relationship with their spoiled rotten selfish—

  “Dylan is that you?” Katie calls from somewhere up stairs.

  I walk through the white foyer, trying not to get lost. Katie’s house is huge; it is like a museum with a few carefully selected pieces of art on the walls and sculptures sitting on end tables in various locations around the house. Everything is white—the walls, the tiled floor, the carpeted stairs, the bathroom—everything is white. I kick off my dirty chucks so I don’t track dirt into the rest of the house. Black and white. Just like Katie, I used to be the same way, but now I am changed. I have been forced to grow up and see the world for what it really is. Not everything is as black and white as this perfect house.

  I wanted to break up with Katie the moment I saw Barbie at the dance in her butter cream dress, twirling around the dance floor. I knew I loved her more than anything in that moment, but I was a freaking idiot. I let my idiotic pride get in the way of being with her and that was the stupidest thing I have ever done. I was a tool. I hate how I treated Barbie. Why? Because I was scared what others would think. I hate that I was the one to ever make her cry.

  I want to make things better between us, I just don’t know how to. How do I earn the girl whose trust I lost back? How do I tell her that I lay awake at night thinking of her, that even though she is so close, I miss her so much? That being away from her makes me ache all over and being close to her makes me ache even more? How do I tell her these things? I was so close to her just a few moments ago. So close to having her back. Having what I wanted, but as close as she was, she was still too far away. I need to do the right thing here. I need to earn her trust back and being with Katie is not helping my cause.

  At first, I thought I was doing the right thing by going out with Katie. It makes my mom happy and eases that worry she has that Barbie and I might get it on if I am not with Katie. I don’t want to give my mother a reason to change her mind about having Barbie and Everett with us, either. If being with Katie keeps Barbie with me, then that is what I will do—no matter how messed up it seems. I can’t risk losing her again. I need to know she is safe.

  What the hell! I want to scream or punch something. I need to get it together and go upstairs in order to pretend to be the boyfriend Katie wants me to be. But how? How can I when I am sporting a boner for another girl?

  I grip on to the banister and lean over, trying to think about anything other than the way Barbie’s ass looked as she walked away, the way her shorts were cut almost too short, but not short enough. I am jealous of that damn fringe, the way it caressed her soft caramel skin. The way she smells so damn good, it swims around my head making everything foggy. Come on, Dylan, get it together. Don’t think about how the strap of her tank top fell off her shoulder exposing the bare skin. Or how it would feel to kiss that spot where her shoulder and neck meet again or how her skin tastes—

  Urgh! Get it together. Baseball. Mom. Third. Zombies. Third’s mom. Yep, that did it.

  I stand up and take the stairs three at a time. By the time I reach the landing, I am a little bit winded. The latest pop song seeps out of the bottom of Katie’s bedroom door making me want to turn around, run, go back to Barbie and make her listen. I don’t want to care about the casualties. Before I can think about skipping out any further, the door opens and Katie stands there with her hair in a low pony tail and a scowl on her face. She is pissed.

  “You are late,” she says in a disdainful tone. “How was your night?” she continues icily.

  Telling her I was late because I drove slower than normal to try and prolong my time with Barbie will not go over well. Or t
hat I spent the night with her half naked in my truck. Yeah, not going to go over well. I push the images of Barbie pressed against me to the back of my mind. So I do what any other guy in my situation would do, I shrug and pull her into my arms. “You look pretty.”

  I kiss her on her lips and she relaxes a little, letting the ice melt. She feels all wrong in my arms, too stiff, too hard.

  “I am still mad at you,” she says, kissing me back, but I know she is lying.

  Why do girls do say they are mad when really they aren’t? I bury my face in her neck; she smells wrong, thick like a flowered perfume. I am sure it was expensive and would drive some guy’s wild, but it makes my head spin and my stomach roll with nausea.

  “We were supposed to meet everyone at the mall ten minutes ago.” She lingers in my arms.

  “Why don’t we skip the mall and hang out here?” I am not in the mood to hang out with Katie’s friends. They are nice and all, but they blend together in a mass of gossip and loud, hyper talking creatures that frankly scares the crap out of me. I don’t even know their names, I think their names are Kristy or Maria, maybe Sally; something like that, but I am not sure and I really don’t care. Katie pulls out of my arms and runs a hand down the front of her pink polo shirt.

  “Dylan, I told them we would be there.” Her voice hitches.

  “Fine.” I try to avoid another fight. I don’t want it to lead back to Katie’s insecurities about Barbie. If she starts another fight, I might just tell her how I really feel this time.

  “We can take my car; you did bring it back in good condition, right?” She bats her eyes at me.

  “Of course.”

  She looks me up and down, scrutinizing. “You didn’t let her ride in it?” I don’t answer. “Dylan!” she yells.

  “She needed a ride, what was I supposed to do?” I say, defending my actions.

  “God, what is it with you and her? Are you sleeping with her?” she chokes.

  “No,” I answer quickly, but I can feel the familiar burn on my cheeks. It is the truth. We didn’t sleep together. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to, though. What does that make me? A male whore? A cheat? A shitty person? Yes. It makes me a shitty person who doesn’t even have the guts to do the right thing. Once again, I am reminded how messed up this situation is.

  When I don’t say anything else Katie exhales. “Whatever. Let’s just go.”

  ###

  Things remain icy between Katie and me. I can’t blame her, but I just can’t seem to make myself care that much, either. Shitty person. I tell myself to shut up. Sometimes you have to do things that you would not normally do for someone you love, and God I love Barbie.

  I follow Katie around the mall like a mindless robot, holding bags of crap. I drop the bags on the ground and flop down in an oversized, hot pink couch in another store. How many things of lip gloss and lotion does one girl need?

  “I know what you are thinking,” Katie’s friend sits down next to me and gives me a smile. She is the cute, quiet one that wears square glasses and has frizzy brown hair. “Alex,” she says. I cock my eyebrows in confusion. “My name, it is Alex.” I give her a smile.

  “I know,” I say.

  “No, you didn’t. It’s cool, though, I won’t tell.” I like this chick more and more by the second.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.” I am. I never cared enough to get to know any of Katie’s friends. If Alex knows this, I wonder how many of her other friends are onto my act.

  “Don’t be.” She flicks her hand, dismissing my apology. “Sometimes I even forget who we all are. We tend to blend together in a blur of Gap and gossip.” I now give her a truly genuine smile.

  “There is just so much khaki and talking,” I confess.

  “I know.” We both laugh. “I also know that you are torn between Katie and Barbie.” I give her a blank look so as not to give anything away. “I can’t even imagine being in love with two people at one time. What that must be doing to you.” She looks at me squarely and I can see the sincerity in her face so I confess what I have been holding in for so long.

  “I just wish she would talk to me and tell me what is going on inside her head.” I admit to her. “Barbie,” I clarify who I am talking about.

  She takes this in, nodding her head. “She has been through a lot.” I wonder how much of the truth she really knows about that night. It was in the local newspapers and the rumors traveled like they always do in a small town. “I can’t tell you what to do, but…” She trails of and gets a weird look on her face.

  “But?” I coax her.

  “It is not fair for anyone involved to string either of them along when you don’t know who you want for sure,” she says. I know who I want, but I don’t tell her this.

  “I know, but what if that is what is expected of me?” I ask her. I wish I would have tried to talk to her before this because she is surprisingly easy to talk to. Now, it is too late and we will never be friends; her loyalty will rightfully remain with Katie.

  “I know it is not easy and someone, if not more, is going to end up hurt, but you are going to have to follow what your heart is telling you.”

  I smile at her. “You are a pretty cool chick. You know that?”

  She smiles at me again, pushing her glasses that have slid down her nose back up. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”

  Chapter 8.

  Barbie

  I spend the next few days away from the Knights’ house as much as possible. I have spending my days with Kai. The days seem to fly by when I spend them with Kai. He is easy to be around. We mostly hang out in his garage; sometimes I sit and watch him play his guitar while he pours over lyrics he is writing or we sit around watching old movies. The first time we did this, I had a sharp pain in my chest at the memory of Dylan and me. That was our thing; we would watch his nerd movies and he would try to explain to me who was who or what was what. It is different with Kai, he puts on a movie and we watch in silence; there is no background story that he tries to explain and that is fine with me. I sit there, not really watching anyway, but lost deep in my thoughts. When I am with Kai there is little reminder of what I am trying to forget. There is no wonder where our feelings stand for each other. No pressure to make a choice that I don’t know if I can. So I push Dylan to the back of my mind and avoid him as much as possible, but it is not that easy to avoid him.

  I leave the Knights as soon as I see Katie’s car creep into the driveway. I now stand in the street in front of Kai’s, debating my next move. I listen to the music spills from the beat up, old garage as I stand in the street staring in.

  “Why hello, sweetheart, can I help you with anything?” a tall guy drawls. He wears ripped up jeans and a shirt that says ‘Death Dogs’ on it, he must be in Kai’s band. I have yet to meet the renowned ‘Death Dogs,’ but Kai talks about them all the time; so I feel like I know each of them. This must be Aiden the drummer and notorious flirt. “Maybe I can give you a tour of the band’s practice area? Perhaps the back room?” Aiden winks at me.

  His comment snaps me out of the daze. I give the guy in front of me the once over, starting at his feet and let my eyes travel slowly up his body. I can tell he is uneasy under my inspection; his hands twitch at his sides and he looks back at the garage for help. Aiden is not bad looking, actually he is really hot. He has thick, black dreads to his chin and smooth, coco colored skin. I wonder if it is as soft as it looks. I step forward so I am right in front him and trail my finger down the front of his chest.

  “What do you practice in the back room?” I look into his eyes, batting my lashes. I shock him with my bluntness; he stands frozen and I can see the blanks he is shooting up stairs while he tries to come up with a witty comeback.

  “He practices his pickup lines in the mirror.” Kai walks out of the garage and leans against the corner of the house. He is shirtless; his chest is broad and goes into a narrow, well-molded waist. He has on a pair of faded black jeans that sit low on his hips. A black tattoo
climbs out of the waist band of his boxers up his hip and disappears under his arm. Nice. I didn’t know he had a tattoo. Dylan doesn’t have any tattoos. What? Shut up.

  “Oh yeah?” I give Aiden a seductive smile, my hand still on his chest.

  “Go on, man, try one of them on her. Give her your best line.” Kai’s voice is light and teasing.

  “Yes, give me your best.” I step up closer to him, smashing my body up against his.

  “I-I-I… Um,” he stutters.

  Kai laughs. “Is that your best line man, I-I-I-Um?”

  Aiden looks from me to Kai who is bent over and has his hand pressed to his knees, laughing. “Screw you, man.” Aiden sulks back to the garage.

  “You can show me that back room later, Aiden.” I wink at him. I walk up to Kai who puts his arm around my shoulders and leads me into the garage. I wonder if Dylan would be as cool with me flirting with another guy right in front of him as Kai is.

  The band is not bad, but I am not so sure about their lyrics. Kai holds the mic to his mouth as he belts into it, looking right at me as he sings. I sit on a speaker and stare back at him. The melody has a melancholy tone to it and takes me back to the night with Dylan.

  My body begins to jones for that spark that he causes. I have never felt it before Dylan; it is a feeling like no other. It is like when he touches me, he puts all his energy into his soul until it is charged and alive and racing through me, lighting me up from the inside out. His touch has the power to make me feel everything and sooth the pain that comes with it. I want to feel that again. I wonder if anyone has the power to make me feel like that again or if it’s only Dylan. The thought scares me. That I could be connected to someone like that. That he could possess a piece of me like that.

  I open my eyes; Kai is still looking at me, while in the middle of the song. I jump to my feet and cross the room. He drops the mic to the ground and I kiss him. I kiss him as hard as I can; I put everything I have into it. His band mates hoot and holler, but he doesn’t seem to notice because he puts everything he has back into the kiss, too. In this moment, I know for sure that I am damaged beyond repair. Dylan has tainted me.