Barbie World (Baby Doll Series) Read online

  The room feels like it is closing in tightly around on me. “Isn’t that blackmail?” I glare at her.

  “Yes. Yes, it is. Do we have a deal?”

  I want to run out of this room, yet I have the feeling that Mrs. White has the power to have me dragged back into this building kicking and screaming. I could make the deal and lie to her when she asks me a question, although something tells me that will not work with her. I think one of her other super powers is a bull shit detector.

  “Fine.” I cross my arms protectively. I can do this for two months. I have lived through a lot worse in my life for longer periods of time.

  “Great.” She smiles. “So let’s get right down to the dirty stuff. Tell me what happened that night your mother’s boyfriend tried to kill you.”

  I spend the next hour telling her about the dreadful night that I just want to forget about. She is not easily satisfied until she has dug out every last painful detail. She even asked me to explain the sight of Everett huddled in the corner in great detail. She wanted to know what I saw, what I smelled, what I heard, what I said… She made me repaint the grueling memories with my own blood.

  Despite the pain, I refused to cry. I held on to that pain and relished in it. When I leave, the world feels too loud, too raw, to me. I stand in the sun, however I am ice cold. Roxie will be here any moment to get me. We have plans to go fill out more applications after my therapy, but I can’t see her. Not when I can feel everything. All I want to do is lie here on the pavement and die. I start walking and my legs feel too long for my body along with my feet feeling too heavy. The sun is so bright that it washes everything in white. I make my feet move; my body is on auto-pilot. I cannot feel my feet under me, but the way my chest heaves up and down, I know I’m running. I don’t stop running.

  Chapter 2.

  Dylan

  The Radio is up as loud as safely possible. “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” crackles through the speakers and Third is pretending to play the drums on the dash board.

  “I am a mosquito,” Third screams at me. I shake my head at him. Third continues to butcher the song, adding his own lyrics. “An albino, in need of a sun tan.”

  We have no destination; we just drive and try not to think about the girls that are on our minds. I switch the station to a country one and Third wrinkles his nose as Luke Bryan comes through. I crank it up a little louder and sing along, “Baby, is someone else calling you baby!” I tap along to the lyrics on the steering wheel.

  “I can’t take it anymore.” Third switches the station again.

  “Hey, that was a good song,” I argue.

  “Not the way you were singing it. For the love of pitch, it sounded like you were beating kittens with baseball bats. I am trying to save my poor ear drums from exploding.” He rubs at his ears for dramatic effect.

  “Yeah, well, the crap you were singing was no cake walk, either;” I banter back.

  His mouth drops open. “Dude, Nirvana is a classic. Cobain spoke to a generation.” I actually love Nirvana. I just like giving him shit.

  “Yeah, whatever you say, dude. I think I will stick with Bryan,” I add. “Hey, there is Roxie’s car. Pull in,” Third demands. I have nothing better to do so I pull into the parking lot of Sonic. Roxie is talking to a guy dressed all in black. He even has on eyeliner and black lipstick; he looks like a wannabe vampire.

  “Justin.” Third frowns.

  “Huh?”

  He looks at me and shakes his head at my cluelessness. “That is her ex, Justin. What is he doing here and, better yet, what is she doing with him?”

  I shrug. “You want a milkshake?” I ask him.

  He looks at me in shock. “How can you expect me to eat at a time like this? My lady is talking to some D-bag and you want to know if I want a milkshake?” I shrug again. “Fine, get me a strawberry milkshake and an order of onion rings,” he says as he climbs out of the truck. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.” He slams the door shut.

  I watch as he strolls in front of Roxie and Justin. Even though Third makes no movement to go to her, I can tell Roxie knows he’s there. Her body language changes; she goes stiff and takes a step away from Justin.

  Third takes forever in the bathroom and misses the food being delivered by the agitated waiter on roller skates. “Man I missed the waiter?” he asks as he gets back into the car. Third loves talking to the waiters about their “roller skate training” and annoying them more than they already are.

  “I cannot believe you didn’t go over and say something,” I say. That is what I would have done if it was Barbie with some dude “Man, you don’t know anything about girls, do you?” He picks up his milkshake and takes a sip.

  “And you do?” I grab a hand full of his onion rings.

  “A lot more than you, obviously. I am just making my presence known. I’m telling her, without saying anything to her, that I am right here if she needs me.” Wow. I am impressed with his strategy. Maybe I should take Third’s approach on women.

  We eat our food and watch Roxie, who is in an obvious argument with Justin. Her hands are flailing about in that way that girls have when they are angry, it’s like a choreographed dance.

  “When did girls become so much more important than video games, zombie movies and Larping?” Third asks me.

  “We only Larped once,” I correct him. I tap the brake pedal with the toe of my sneaker to the music.

  “Yeah, and that was my best day ever.” Third looks up, smiling. His hair is pressed to his forehead with sweat. God, it is freaking hot; like Hell opened up a vent and that vent is Alabama. I drag my hand across my own brow and then down my jeans.

  “Yeah, that was pretty cool, until you got your ass kicked by that huge woman dressed as the troll queen with her foam sword.” I laugh, remembering how fast Third ran from her, but she eventually caught up with him on the uphill.

  “Hey, she was pretty scary and her sword hurt like hell.” He smirks again and then sighs, shaking his head. “Yeah, now look at us. Instead of thinking how to conquer the next level of Zelda, I am trying to think of my next move to impress her.” He gestures towards Roxie. She is sitting on the curb now and Justin is gone. She looks like she wants to curl up into herself. That girl is so weird. I don’t know what he sees in her. Then again, I don’t know what Barbie ever saw in me, so who am I to judge? “I just can’t figure out what I am doing wrong with that girl.” He shakes his head.

  “I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. Just keep being yourself and she will come around and, if not, it’s her loss.” I give him the best piece of advice I can muster up, but I’m not sure it’s any good. My track record with women is not stellar; plus, I got that advice from my mom.

  “No. I don’t think so. I think I am going to lose no matter what I do, but you know what? I don’t care.” He smiles.

  “Dude, when did you grow up?” I ask, suddenly shocked at the change in my friend.

  He claps me on the shoulder and opens the truck door. “When you were too busy pouting and playing with your dolls.” I shake my head because he’s right. I was too busy being stubborn. Why was he picking up pieces I broke? “Wish me luck?” he says before jogging over to Roxie. He sits down next to her and drops his arm over her shoulders. She shudders, but lets him pull her closer.

  Chapter 3.

  Barbie

  The library is cold and several people are on computers, clicking away. Some of them glance at me as I walk passed, but no one makes eye contact. I walk to the back of the building and collapse into a soft, plush, gray chair. The heat is making me tired and my limbs feel weak from running.

  When I started to run, I didn’t stop running until I went through the automatic doors of the Russell County Public Library. The smell of old parchment now brings me an odd sort of comfort. A smell I learned to love being with Dylan. I take a deep breath, curling my legs up under me. I want to disappear into myself, leaving behind the ever present pain that I cannot seem to outrun. The p
ain that I caused.

  I clear my mind and train my eyes on a tall boy who is browsing the shelves. He picks up a book, flips it open, reads a random page and then sets it back down neatly on the shelf. Each time he reaches up, I glance at a thin trail of dark hair that disappears under a pair of tight, dark jeans that hang low on his hips. He has long, straight hair that he has dyed black with light roots that peek through. His eyes are a deep green-blue that hide behind thick, dark lashes.

  He looks up and catches me with those two, lovely, deep, swimming pools and my heart rate picks up. He bites at his bottom lip for a moment and I catch a glimpse of a metal hoop nestled in the corner of his mouth. I look away too quickly, which catches his attention. He straightens up and walks over to me with an easy glide. A crooked smirk plays on his enticing, full lips. Lips that can numb me. I quickly shake the thought aside and fidget in my chair nervously. Nervous? Why the hell am I nervous? Is it because of what I might do? Or is it more? Is it that I am afraid of what Dylan would think? No. Just friends, remember? I don’t care what Dylan thinks.

  “Are you reading that?” He points to a pile of books that sit on a blue plastic table next to me. I shake my head no. “Good.” He reaches a tattooed arm across me. He smells spicy with the hint of something sweet yet masculine at the same time.

  He slowly straightens up to full height. Wow, he is tall. He taps the book in his hand. “Kai.” He holds out his hand.

  “Barbie.” I cringe on the inside at my name.

  “I like it.” He smiles.

  “Really? I hate it; the whole stigma that goes with a name like Barbie.” I shudder.

  He lets out a laugh. It’s a smooth, intoxicating sound that relaxes my nerves. “You don’t seem like the kind of girl who gives a shit about stigmas.”

  I give him a knowing smile because he pinned me. Usually, when I am backed into a corner, I tend to want to run, but not with Kai. I can tell right away there is something different about him. “How come I haven’t seen you around… Kai? You are surely not from around here.” I bat my eyes at him, squaring my shoulders. I turn my nervousness into what I do best. Flirt.

  Unfazed, he slips easily into the chair next to me, his long legs sticking out in front of him. “What makes you say that? I could be in all your classes and you just never noticed me before today,” he flirts back, looking me right in the eyes.

  “Well, for one thing, I would have noticed you. I know all the boys that attend CHS. Another, this is a small town, people talk,” I lie to him. I have never heard a word about this boy.

  “Yeah, and what are these people saying?” He leans his long body towards me. Oh my.

  “Oh, you know; trouble maker, rock star wannabe.” I look at my fingernails like this is a boring conversation.

  “Oh, really.” A tight smirk plays on his lips and it takes all I have not to smile back at him.

  “Yep.” I lean towards him. I want to continue this conversation with Kai. It’s light and fun, and there is no pressure from him, no mixed feelings.

  “Well, they are right.” He pushes a piece of stray hair off my face, securing it behind my ear. He is bold, like me. I like it. “I just moved here from New York. I am in a band, the Death Dog’s. We sing mostly rock, maybe you’ve heard of us?” I shake my head no. “No? Well we are new, but already have a pretty big following. Oh, and I do love to get into trouble in my free time. What about you?” He’s cocky; that is something I can respect about him.

  I let the words linger around us for a moment, speaking right before that uncomfortable silence settles in. “I love trouble.” He leans back in his chair.

  “Then you are my type of girl. Plus, you are the first girl I found that actually dresses normal in this backwards hick town. Most of the girls I have met wear polo shirts and these huge freaking bows in their hair, what’s up with that?” I shrug, not really sure what jack ass came up with that idea.

  “That’s me, just a normal girl who likes getting into trouble and reading the classics like this in my spare time.” He takes the huge telephone sized book next to me and I get a glimpse of the title War and Peace. Eeeek!

  “Can I ask you something?” I change the subject before he starts questioning me on the dictionary in his hand.

  “Anything, I am an open book.” He bites on the sliver ring on his lip.

  “You moved from New York to Phenix City?” He cocks his brow and bobs his head yes. “Umm… Why?” I ask.

  “My mom got remarried and we had to relocate because her ass-hat of a husband got transferred to Alabama. Thankfully, I only have one year left of school before I can get the hell out of this shitty little backwoods town and back to where our own kind is accepted.” He winks at me and I give him my best flirty smile. I feel the same way. Maybe when I leave I’ll l go to New York. I never thought about where I was going as long as I was just gone.

  “So, Barbie.” I like the way he says my name, like he is savoring it in his mouth. “So when you are not reading the classics, what kind of trouble do you like to get into?” he asks.

  “I used to do quite a bit, now I try to just stick with the classics,” I lie. He nods and sets the book down next to me. I scoop it back up. “I was thinking about checking this one out. I heard it was a good one.” I shake the book in front of me, which is quite a feat, seeing that the thing weighs as much as a basket of bricks. He takes my wrist into his hand and wraps his long, cool fingers completely around my wrist. Butterflies flutter in my stomachs.

  “Loving with human love, one may pass from love to hatred; but divine love cannot change. Nothing, not even death, can shatter it. It is the very nature of the soul. And how many people I have hated in my life. And of all people none I have loved and hated more than her…” He cocks a dark eyebrow at me. His words send a shiver down my back.

  “It is my favorite quote from War and Peace. What is yours?” Shit. I’m caught; I have never read a classic before, and maybe it is not even a classic. What the hell do I know about books, except they are filled with other people’s words?

  My stomach tightens as his eyes take in my face. “I like all of them.” I smile.

  “You want to get out of here?” he asks. I just met him and it is probably not smart for me to go with a stranger, but there might be a chance that he can help me forget about Dylan or at least, he might numb this whirlwind of emotion that is traveling through me. I nod. He drops the book with a loud thud and slips his long fingers into mine before pulling me towards the library doors.

  ###

  Later that night, when I no longer have Kai to distract my thoughts, I lie in bed, listening to the sounds of Mrs. Knight tucking in Everett. The soft sounds of good nights drift under my door and I suddenly cannot take it anymore. No matter how happy I am for Everett, the Brady Bunch, fake shit that they pull makes me feel physically ill. No one can be this happy. Parents can’t really give that much of a shit about what happens to their kids during the day and especially ones that are not their own.

  I stand up, no longer able to tolerate the feeling of my own skin. I pace the room before I push open the window. I look down at the ground below; it’s not that far of a drop. I can probably make it to that tree branch and get down safely. Who cares if I get hurt going down? It will just be a reminder of the pain that still lurks in the shadows, just waiting to capture me and swallow me whole.

  I pull on my combat boots, but I don’t bother changing out of my pink and blue polka dot pajama shorts and a green tank top. I don’t know where I am going and I don’t really care what I’m wearing. I twist my hair up into a messy bun and slip out the window. I stand on the ledge of the roof, looking out at the spider webbed tree branches of the giant oak in front of me.

  Here goes nothing. I jump and reach for the outstretched limbs that wait to hold me. I free fall before I grab a fist full of sharp branches. The brittle branches snap in-between my fingers and I fall once again. I manage to grab a hold of a thick branch before crashing to the ground. My p
alms burn from the rough bark digging into them. I smile against it. It is not the numbing sensation I want, but it brings my reality closer to feeling more real.

  When my feet hit the ground, I know that this is a fake sense of security that I am in. I’m not going to fall for it anymore. No one loves me. I was abandoned by my mother. The one boy I loved never really loved me back. The only truth that is close to me are the rumors that go around school about me; they are on the brink of becoming true. I take them and hold onto them like an old friend. The harsh, cold reality smacks me in the face. Awakening me. I feel that old urge that used to surface. I want to feel numb again. I want to not feel anything except the pure bliss of numbness. I want to forget.

  Chapter 4.

  Dylan

  Barbie disappears into her room the moment the dishes are cleared from the dinner table. I know she doesn’t feel like she belongs with us and I wish I could take that insecurity away from her. Prove to her that she does belong, but I don’t even know how to talk to her anymore. She is different now, changed, though I know that the same girl who was infuriating yet appealing at the same time is somewhere in there. That girl who could knock you on your ass with a lash from her sharp tongue. I just don’t know how to get her back.

  I scoop out three heaping bowls of ice cream. “More,” Emmy demands.

  “Did anyone ever tell you, you are bossy,” I say pushing her back off the counter.

  She sticks out her tongue. “Mom! Dylan is calling me bossy, come and punish him,” she bellows.

  “Dylan, don’t call your sister bossy, and Emmy stop being bossy.” Mom sticks her head into the kitchen, the phone still attached to her head. Everett sits at the counter, taking in the interaction between the three of us, never speaking. Just listening. Every once in a while he will give us a clue that he knows what is going on and crack a smile. Before Everett and Barbie came to live with us, I really had no clue about Everett’s diagnoses. Sure, I had seen kids around school with special needs, but I never realized just how difficult life really is for them. It is one of the gifts they gave me, a better understanding of others. Before Barbie came in to my life I used to think everything was so black and white. Now, I can see the colors in between.